one down

One decision that is.

As some folks here and lots in other places noted, I’m clearly not ready to give up on this pregnancy/baby lark.

I had some New Age Time with my chiro (rolling my eyes at myself), after which I realized my fear about trying again stems from how terrible I felt for, really, two years after my last failed IVF.  Hence, in hindsight, my friend’s order to examine how I’d feel if I tried and failed again.  Which is, obviously, within the realm of possibility.

Here is the deal. Things were bad there, for a while, y’all. Not like thoughts of suicide, but generally just not good.  But then, last summer I started to feel better and now, as evidence by several things (my energy level for cooking and gardening most prominent among them), I feel, well, like my normal self. No longer broken! Fixed! It’s nice.

Even if I fail miserably at this, even if that failure makes me miserable, it looks pretty clear that I’d be able to, given time, come out the other side and feel ok. It might take a while. It might be really hard. I might alienate *all* my friends this time. (That’s a joke.) But I’ve done it before – with complicating factors – and so I trust I could do it again.

Done and done. That part at least.

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