clever metaphor of your choice for “decision making” here

Oh, hi.

So I had a Saline Sonogram on Friday. I took the entire day off for it, which was a great plan, not because the procedure was bad, but because – woo! – day off! Dr. Hot wanted to get a look-see at my ute to be sure everything looked normal post the miscarriages.

She was as cute as ever and it was easy and everything looked normal. Yay, right?  And all my new and re-done bloodwork looked normal, too! Yay! Right?

Sort of. Everything normal means that there is still no known reason for my infertility. No easy fix to something that got overlooked before. No clear “you will never carry a pregnancy past 10 weeks, so don’t even try”. Honestly, I was really hoping for one or the other.

There is one test for which I have not yet received results. Dr. Hot seems as into genetics as Dr. E (nice old RE) was into auto-immune. She ordered a karotype test that will be back in a few weeks and will, to quote the paper for from the cheater RE’s, be “expensive”. Oh, yay. There is a 5% incidence of chromosomal abnormalities in cases where there have been at least two miscarriages. Heck, I hit that number three summers ago! Anyway, Dr. Hot is interested in my genetics, it seems. If I do IVF again, and, wow, is that ever a big if, she strongly recommends PGD (yes, that’s a wikipedia link – it looks legit). She even gave me the name of a guy in New Jersey so I could look him up – which I should do, at some point – because he is at the forefront of genetic testing. Which sort of gives me hives, because that sort of thing is a slippery slope, I fear. But. But.

But it’s so highly unlikely that I’d do IVF again. It’s just so damn expensive. And I am barely holding my financial head above water from the transfers I did, all willy-nilly, over the past two three (Jesus.) years.

Let’s break it down:

  • basic IVF package price is $8,400 – that’s $5000 for the clinic portion and $3400 for the  Laboratory
  • the average cost of meds is $2,500 – ouch. Last time I got these for free from the ever generous IVP
  • cryopreservation of bonus embryos is $470 and then storage is $150/quarter and $470/year. If memory serves, storage at the Richmond RE was cheaper, but maybe prices have gone up everywhere.

You do the math. Don’t forget to add something huge for PGD.  Although, wow, I feel sketchy about that. And not just because of the (unknown amount of) money.

If I had a million dollars, I’d do it in a minute. I respond well to the meds; I make a shit ton of eggs; it was unpleasant but not terribly so (and it might be better if I wasn’t unknowingly at the beginning of the end of a relationship). But I don’t have a million dollars. The cheater RE has some sort of payment plan (pay some amount at the time and then pay monthly for a year), so I guess I will call to see the ins and outs of that.

Then there’s the option of making this the summer of IUIs. Dr. Hot wants, if I do any more IUIs, to throw my old friend femara as well as gonadatropins (with whom I has a short fling back in 2009, thanks again to the ever generous IVP) into the mix. More targets, as Dr. E, the nice old RE, would say.  I can’t find the price list for any of that, but let’s guess around $600 with the meds? Damn. I wish I could find that page on the cheater RE’s website. I swear it was there.


Then there’s buying sperm.  So factor that in. Let’s call that – wait, I can look that one up – let’s average it and call that $700. That’s without shipping.

Then there’s throwing the towel in.

I’ve decided on one option or the other about 50 bathousand times in the past two days. Heck, I’ve decided on one option and then another forty-eleven times writing this. Each ones seems equally valid and perfect and equally wrong. Ugh.

My wise friend Susie said to think about how I would feel if I tried and failed. Which is good to remember. And why it’s so hard to decide. If trying again was a sure thing, then that would be the obvious answer.

I’d love to farm this decision out. Can’t somebody decide for me? Dr. Hot has refused, for the record.


3 Comments on “clever metaphor of your choice for “decision making” here”

  1. Cristina says:

    Wow. That amount of money is entirely unreasonable. So how about starting one of those kickstarter, go for it, thingummies. We’ll be happy to chip in. Horrible situation where money is a controlling factor in heart decisions.
    And I hear you on the hardship of unexplained infertility. It felt disempowering. I did 15 cycles of ivF in the end (5 full stim and 10 fet with various potions) after 10 tries with turkey baster/syringe. I still don’t know if there is something a bit strange with my insides or if it was just random bloody hard work to get pregnant. Good luck with those hard plans.

  2. Find out about about the payment plan, first off. One ivf cycle is about ten times the cost of an IUI, as I figure it — wait, less, because I didn’t count the cost of drugs for the IUI cycle. One thing, i guess, is how many iui cycles would you be willing to try? If the payment plan stretches things out in a way that makes the expense comparable, it might be the case that the odds of ivf are enough higher that I guess I would vote that way. You know, if you find a lot of money in the sofa cushions. Bernice is really striking looking — she could model, maybe. Or Fifi could mug people at the train station.

    You don’t sound very ready to throw the towel in.

  3. MFA Mama says:

    No advice here, but I think Bionic had a good point when she observed that you don’t sound ready to throw in the towel.

    I’m sorry this is all so hard and expensive and discouraging.

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