dear cervical mucous,

Can I call you CM?  Thanks.  I knew we were tight like that.

Meanwhile.  WTF, CM?  You’re here; you’re not here.  You’re pretty and sparkly; you’re creamy like lotion; you’re dry as a motherfucking bone.  This is not how we roll around here.  A girl might be tempted to call you…  inconsistent.

I know, I know, you’re back.  But you don’t look like your best self.  Where’ve you been, baby?  You can tell me; I won’t judge.

Come on, CM.  I need you.  Don’t leave me all alone with old Clear Blue.  She plays fast and loose with my head and my heart.  You know that.

You know you’re my oldest and best love.  Don’t do me like this, CM, just don’t.

love and stuff,



6 Comments on “dear cervical mucous,”

  1. S. says:

    hope she starts cooperating soon!

  2. theclitremedy says:

    She’s just a fickle bitch, but she still shits all over her psychotic evil cousin, Basal Body Temp (BBT). Thank the goddess THOSE days are over.

    And I’m glad to hear that you are finally letting go of the FF crackpipe at last.


  3. Should I be offended that I just got this letter from you too?
    Only every place this one says “CM” mine says “LB”?
    You form lettered me!

  4. rosesdaughter says:

    LOL! I stumbled across this post using the tag surfer. This is truely how I am feeling right now. Thanks.

  5. shelli says:

    threaten her with Robitussen, to increase her supply, and THEN see what happens! 😉

  6. dolly says:

    I did the robitussin and it helped a lot. I started taking it a week before I needed it to kick in. When I went to buy some more they had changed the ingredients- so make sure that it has whatever is the necessary mess.

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