dear cervical mucous,

Can I call you CM?  Thanks.  I knew we were tight like that.

Meanwhile.  WTF, CM?  You’re here; you’re not here.  You’re pretty and sparkly; you’re creamy like lotion; you’re dry as a motherfucking bone.  This is not how we roll around here.  A girl might be tempted to call you…  inconsistent.

I know, I know, you’re back.  But you don’t look like your best self.  Where’ve you been, baby?  You can tell me; I won’t judge.

Come on, CM.  I need you.  Don’t leave me all alone with old Clear Blue.  She plays fast and loose with my head and my heart.  You know that.

You know you’re my oldest and best love.  Don’t do me like this, CM, just don’t.

love and stuff,


ha. ha. and ha.

Or not.  CD 3 today.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  I’m still infertile!  Oh, yay!

How’s your week been?