work in progress

As a list, of course.

  1. Friday, 10/17/08 – u/s at 3 pm shows no appreciable growth of the gestaional sack from last week.  RE recommends stopping prometrium to allow miscarriage (honestly, I think I might prefer the term abortion here, but maybe not everyone would understand that).
  2. Saturday, 10/18/08 – copious watery mucous through out the morning (26-ish hours since last dose of prometrium), I’d think I were about to ovulate if I didn’t know better.  No other changes.
  3. Sunday, 10/19/08 – mix of watery and white/creamy mucous (the later in sort of stringy bits) mid-day.  Damn near perfect eggwhite mucous at bedtime – really, it seems just like CD 14 of a regular cycle.  WTF?  Is there a mucous plug of some sort this early on?
  4. Monday, 10/20/08 – still nothing.  Wore a thrice stuffed luna pad knock-off to work, just in case.  Possible slight cramping around noon – or possible post lunch GI rumblings.  Very slight, really not even there, light pink/light tan mucous in the mid-afternoon, when I finally got to pee.
  5. Monday, 10/20/08, 7:45-ish – definite red flow, as old FF likes to say.  Whew.  Let’s get this party started – I am soooo over the limbo shit.  I guess I should take some advil, as I was advised.  Part of me wants to tough it out and see how bad it is.  Weigh in, please.
  6. Monday, 10/20/08, 9:30 – flow my ass, it’s more like spotting.  Mostly red, some brown, much like the last couple days of my period.  Some lower back pain, which, in retrospect, has been going on all day.  Maybe this won’t be too bad?  Or maybe it will really suck.  Going to bed with advil and a hot toddy.
  7. Tuesday, 10/21/08 – nothing to speak of overnight.  Um.  WTF?  No cramping, sore back or blood all morning, despite being upright – I thought maybe gravity would help.  Oh, and I thought this might resolve quickly.
  8. Tuesday, 10/21/08 – ok, so the last entry was not entirely accurate.  When I finally made it to the bathroom, there was a good bit of very sludgey, very dark brown goo.  But nothing else.  As of now – 6 pm – there’s some back pain.  :: taps fingers impatiently::
  9. Wednesday, 10/22/08 – some blood/watery mucous through out the night – not much.  No pain worth mentioning.  The girl kitten is going to the vet to get fixed today.  The irony is lost on me. Continued bleeding – say, medium? – through out the day.  Switched from knock-off luna pads to The Keeper™ in the late afternoon, fill it in a couple hours.  Had acupuncture at 4.
  10. Thursday, 10/23/08 – wow.  Now we get to the real deal.  Cramping of growing intensity starting around 6 am.  Sometime on the toilet to see if anything would come out (answer:  yes – about the size of a golf ball – just a clot, the gestational sack would have been too small to see – also diarrhea – ew, nobody mentioned that).  Also sometime in bed, ah, writhing.  Hurt like a motherfucker, peeking around 7.  Shaking, chills, the whole 9 yards.  800 mg of advil did nothing.  Counter pressure on my lower back, on the other hand….. miraculous.  The New Girl woke up to my labored breathing, asked what she could do, and from somewhere I dug up having her press on my back.  Who knew that doula training would come in so handy?
  11. Thursday, 10/23/08 – thank you baby Jesus for telling me to take today off work in advance.  I was about done with the passing of the Giant Clot around the time I usually leave for work.  Went back to sleep and woke up around 10, feeling….. damn good.  Huh.  Relieved and renewed almost.  Wow.  Made coffee, tended the fire, got back in bed.  Went for very late breakfast at the Diner.  Came home and got on the couch.  Still bleeding and some moderate cramping, but I think the worst is over.  Whew.  I’m exhausted.
  12. Saturday, 10/25/08 – no, it’s not fucking over yet.  Some cramping, not terrible but really less than fun.  Still bleeding like a MF stuck pig.  An average of an ounce every 3 or 4 hours for the past 2 days.  It’s like there’s an open bleeding wound somewhere inside me.  A literal one, I mean.
  13. Sunday, 10/26/08 – still bleeding.  Jesus fucking Christ.

13 Comments on “work in progress”

  1. Lea says:

    am sitting here holding your cyber-hand.
    much love,

  2. owlie says:

    oh fuck. i am so sorry this is happening to you. sending much love and light.

    be good to yourself and may you have all the support you need.

  3. fatbiscuit says:

    thinking of you still.

  4. mrsbluemont says:

    oh darling. i’m so sorry. i like getting your lists, or really any news from you. we’re all here holding for you.

    i really understand the “abortion” over “miscarriage” use.

    love love love.

  5. gypsygrrl says:

    sending you a lot of love. and another hand in the mix to squeeze…


  6. bp says:

    hang in there. we’re all still here for you.

  7. strawberry says:

    I’m very sorry you’re going through this, but I hope time helps and it passes naturally so your body can get back to normal again.

  8. mycowgirlalterego says:

    I’m so sorry you are here; it’s so unbelievably unfair.

    thinking of you and sending healing thoughts.

  9. Adriana says:

    Tell me if you need anything! I’m around today. x

  10. yup, another sara says:

    I am so sorry about all of this. I have been thinking about you so much. I too prefer the term ‘abortion.’ This is just one of the many things we could chat about if only you lived closer. I wish I could give you a big hug.

  11. strawberry says:

    Still here with you. Glad the worst seems to have passed. Now it is time to heal. Thinking of you.

  12. Lea says:

    I feel you, I felt it, I’m thinking of you a lot.

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